All Is Not Lost

People who know me have always deemed me as a determined individual, and I think I definitely identify with that.

Ten years ago, I experienced a turning point in my life. With the unexpected death of my father whom I loved dearly, the world literally came crashing down. I was pursuing my master’s in the U.S. back then. I had just secured a job, but things were not looking good back home. Things started piling up - my mom’s visa got rejected 3 times, she was not able to attend my graduation, and there was no support from expected family members. Eventually, I decided to move back to India for good. It was not an easy decision because I was at the verge of a promising career, but I still took that call.

After being in the U.S. for almost three years, going back to a depressed household was not easy. Readjusting myself to the culture, the narrow-mindedness of the people, and the lack of proper facilities was not easy either. Being a girl just made it even harder, especially in a male-dominated society. When I decided to move back, I went back with the hopes that I would work towards having a good career, if not a great one. However, I was not too fortunate. I met more not-so-good people than good people. The struggle was much more than I had anticipated. Lack of support from immediate family members made my life even more difficult. There were times I felt dejected, disappointed, and alone. In the wake of this, I met few well wishes for whom I hold a lot of respect even today.

As if these situations weren’t enough, there came a time when I hurt myself very badly. Lack of timely and accurate diagnosis by acclaimed medical experts gave me irreversible damage. I still remember crying for nights thinking there was no end to my misery.

However, while I was dealing with all this, I did not stop trying for better options – personally and professionally. I knew that after eight years of being in my own country, nothing was working out, and all my efforts to have a better life were just going down the drain. Then on one fine day came the big news – an admission to Colombia University. I was definitely baffled and could not believe my luck, and the next moment I was very concerned since I knew I had no support from family or friends. But I did not give up and kept on searching for more options to make this possible for me. Then the universe showed its kindness and sent its help to me in the guise of unknown people who not only helped me but also motivated me to keep going. 

And today, after graduating from Columbia with honors, I feel very content and proud that despite many adversities, I was still able to come back to this country and begin my life from where I left it ten years ago. I feel humbled that God gave me that second chance and He blessed me with some good people to help me along the way as well. The second journey was tougher than the first, but over a period of time, I gained a lot of inner strength that helped me to keep going. As I look back today, all the obstacles in the last ten years of my life were actually stepping stones to bring me back to where I truly belong.

Whatever I must have done in those years, I believe it was my duty towards my mother. It is because of her blessings that I am where I am today. All my efforts were to give her the comfort she deserved in her growing age. While going through my set of hardships in life, I learnt of the strong character that am blessed with. Despite the disrespect and deceit faced, it did not change or tamper my true nature. And I still continue to look at the positive aspects of everything around me. I think there was always this inner strength that continued to motivate me and an inner voice that continued to remind me of my own qualities. It ensured I continued to believe in my wisdom and find solace in my loneliness.

I want to encourage people who may feel hopeless today that all is not lost. There can be some hidden goodness in the face of adversity. It is all about modifying our perspective and preserving towards our beliefs.